When was the last time you and your partner disagreed over the chores, making dinner, or what series to watch on Netflix? If you’re like many couples out there, the answer is probably pretty recently! And while healthy disagreements are completely natural in a relationship, how you deal with these disagreements can often define your relationship. Enter conflict resolution.
Conflict resolution in a relationship can help draw the line between a healthy discussion and a heated argument. In this conflict resolution guide, the experts at Ritual have pieced together some of the most important practices you can put into place to help maintain a healthy and thriving relationship.
What does conflict resolution in a relationship mean?
So what is conflict resolution anyway? You may be familiar with the term from your workplace however it can span into our relationships too. It is a form of resolution that encourages partners to work together, embrace compromise, and resolve conflicts amicably. Approaching arguments in this way can help reduce relationship tension and improve overall well-being; a win-win outcome!
When we speak about handling disagreements in a relationship there tend to be four common concerns, we will cover each below.
- How to engage in healthy disagreements
- How to resolve conflict amicably
- How to stop emotionally hurting one another
- How to approach parenting discussions
Concern #1: How to engage in healthy disagreements
Remember, disagreements can be a natural part of any relationship but the way they are handled can either strengthen or weaken your partnership. One of the most important aspects of conflict resolution is learning to engage in healthy disagreements. Below are some strategies to try to master:
- Active listening: Active listening is a crucial foundation for healthy disagreements. It requires giving your partner your full attention, not interrupting, and truly making the effort to understand their perspective.
- Express yourself clearly: Clear communication is key during disagreements. Try to clearly express your thoughts and feelings as best you can to avoid any misunderstandings.
- Choose your battles: Every small disagreement does not need to lead to a larger argument. This means recognizing a minor issue (your partner forgetting an item in the weekly grocery shop) and a major issue (your partner not offering support during a tough time). Learning to make these distinctions will help to avoid any unnecessary tension and benefit your emotional well-being.
Take a break: If a disagreement becomes too heated or you’re simply not getting through to each other, it's okay to take a break. Step away from the situation and take time to cool off and reflect. It’s important not to use this time out as an excuse for avoiding the matter however, remember to find time to revisit the conversation.
Concern #2: How to resolve conflict amicably
Of course, during conflict, it’s important to reach an agreement, but it’s also important that you are both content with the agreement. The following are some techniques to incorporate to help resolve conflicts amicably:
- Find common ground: During a disagreement, it might be difficult to think that you and your partner can agree on anything, but this isn’t always true! Find an area where you can both agree, no matter how small, and start to build from there. This can help create a foundation for compromising and shift the focus from the differences you have to the values you share.
- Compromise: Any expert will tell you that successful conflict resolution is all about compromise! You both may need to find a middle ground and meet each other halfway to help reach a solution that satisfies you both. Remember this is a gain, not a loss for your partnership.
- Use "we" language: How you speak during a disagreement can greatly impact how it's resolved. Instead of focusing on a ‘you vs me’ narrative, try using ‘we’ to remind you and your partner that you’re both in this together! For example, instead of ‘You need to fix this’, consider ‘How can we solve this problem?’
Apologize and forgive: Knowing when to apologize is a powerful tool when it comes to resolving conflict amicably. Take responsibility for mistakes and forgive your partner - this will help foster an environment of openness and vulnerability.
Concern #3: How to stop emotionally hurting your partner
Emotional wounds can linger and affect the health of a relationship. Preventing this can help to maintain both trust and intimacy. This is how to stop hurting each other emotionally during conflicts:
- Mindful communication: Be mindful of your words and tone during disagreements. Make sure to avoid any language that could come across as hurtful or making personal attacks on one another. Instead, express your concerns without assigning blame.
- Understand triggers: While we might not all admit it, we all have topics we are sensitive about that can be triggered during conflict. Try to understand your partner's triggers and communicate your own so you can navigate disagreements with sensitivity.
- Take responsibility for emotions: You are both responsible for managing your emotions. Take ownership of your emotions and communicate them. This will help keep both of your emotional well-being intact.
- Implement time-outs: As mentioned above, if a discussion becomes too emotionally charged, it’s important to take a break. Try agreeing on a word or a signal that indicates the need for a time-out. Taking this step back can help prevent escalating emotions.
Concern #4: How to approach parenting discussions
There are so many important discussions that need to be had at different stages throughout a relationship. One of the most important, and arguably most difficult, are discussions around parenting. Addressing parenting issues can require a specific set of skills and approaches:
- Establish open communication: Parenting conflicts are natural and generally occur due to different parenting styles or expectations, or both. Establish open communication about your values, beliefs, and expectations to help understand each other’s approach and perspectives.
- Collaborative parenting: Parenting is a team effort! Learn to collaborate on decisions, and responsibilities and be open to compromise. Recognize that you both likely have different strengths to bring to the table, and utilize these to help find balance going forward.
- Seek professional help if needed: If conflict around parenting does persist and begins to impact your day-to-day life, consider speaking with an expert who will be able to provide guidance and promote communication skills.
- Regular check-ins: Schedule regular check-ins to speak about your roles and responsibilities. This doesn’t need to be an official time on a specific day, simply try regularly speaking with your partner about how they’re feeling and what adjustments could be made, this will help you both feel heard and valued.
If you and your partner are experiencing issues resolving conflict, consider speaking with an expert who can help guide you both. Ritual is a schedule-friendly and affordable app that helps you heal and turn crisis into opportunity with the help of our experienced Relationship Experts, and science-backed method.
Here’s how it works:
- Tell us about yourself: Start by having a session with one of our experts. Together we explore your goals and needs, to make sure our guidance stays relevant and effective.
- Get your personalized plan: Decide which areas of your relationship you want to focus on. You’ll receive insights and tools to help you get where you want to go, while better understanding your partner (and yourself).
- Make daily steps forward: Improvement becomes a habit, with new skills and approaches you’ll start practicing right away. Weekly 1:1 sessions with your expert will help you track the changes as you go, and keep you motivated in the process.
Start your journey with Ritual today.
