All couples argue every so often. It’s something that can come hand in hand with being in a committed relationship. However, when you disagree more often than you agree, or your arguments become a lot more regular than erratic, it’s important to take a step back and consider whether or not you are a high-conflict couple - one that experiences intense arguments regularly.
Recognizing the signs of a high-conflict relationship can be difficult when you’re in one. In this article, Ritual’s experts have highlighted the key indicators that suggest you may be part of a high-conflict couple and explore strategies on how to address these challenges.
One of the key indicators of a high-conflict couple is frequent and intense arguments. As mentioned, disagreements are normal in any relationship but constant bickering, yelling, and unresolved disputes can be a sign of deeper issues. If your conflicts escalate quickly and generally involve harsh language and personal attacks, your relationship may very likely be high-conflict.
High-conflict couples tend to experience heightened emotional intensity. This is where emotions run extremely high during arguments. This intensity can make it difficult to have a productive conversation as both partners may struggle with communicating effectively and finding common ground. Recognizing emotional intensity is crucial for recognizing your relationship as high-conflict.
In a healthy relationship, partners work collaboratively to address issues and find solutions together. In contrast, a high-conflict couple usually engages in a pattern of blaming and finger-pointing. Instead of taking responsibility for the part they played in the conflict, individuals will focus on assigning blame to their partners. This can create a toxic cycle of defensiveness and resentment.
The inability to resolve conflicts is a key characteristic of high-conflict couples. Whether it’s due to communication breakdown, unwillingness to compromise, or underlying issues, if you are in a high-conflict relationship, you may find yourself stuck in a repetitive cycle of arguments without resolution. If you want to find the root cause, it’s crucial to first recognize these patterns.
Household chores, snoring too loud, or forgetting to pick up milk - if you have argued over any of these issues or something similarly trivial before, it might be symbolic of a deeper, underlying issue. If these conflicts over small issues tend to escalate quickly, regardless of the initial trigger, it may be an indication that there are several unresolved issues within your relationship and that it may be high-conflict.
Physical, psychological, or sexual abuse is a clear indicator that you should consider ending a relationship. If you are the victim of domestic violence and need support, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE(7233) for help 24/7.
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