We often think about sex in ways that we’ve downloaded, literally or figuratively, from movies, music, books - external stimulation that usually directs us down a certain path. In other words, when it comes to sex, we’ve been socialized to think about it in a particular way. A set of positions, an accompanying soundtrack, and desired outcome. Generally, orgasm is “the point”.
But what if…it’s not the point at all? An added bonus, YES but the real prize is transcendental connection. A meeting of mind and body, spirit and soul. Pure intimacy with our partner, which encompasses exploration, wonder, awe, discovery, and fulfillment. And in sex - these all exist on multiple planes at once.
Forget what you’ve seen, heard, and read. We invite you to reclaim sex as a simple and present interaction between you and your partner. Because every time, you get to define and redefine what your intimate encounter looks, feels, and sounds like.
Here are 6 of the most unsexy rituals you can put in practice to help you move towards your sexual potential:
- Release the race - this is not about the orgasm. With so much tension surrounding the end, we often tire ourselves out before we’ve even begun. Remember that every climax includes an ascent and descent. So let the orgasmic expectations go. Either you will or you won’t - either way, you’re right.
- Shift your focus - When we release our focus from the climax, we allow more for our partner, and ourself. Immerse yourself in the wonder and awe of your bodies. Every new connection is an opportunity for further exploration - learn and relearn your partners likes and dislikes. Once we realize that every sexual encounter is genuinely unique, we come to appreciate that every day has the potential for new likes and dislikes. That makes this part so exciting.
- Enjoy the dance - When our bodies come together, they have the potential to converse in a language unto themselves. Language and even eye contact, falls to the side - and we tune in from our core. Letting our bodies lead enables us to listen ever so closely to what our pleasure is calling for, and what our partners pleasure is answering.
- Respect the balance - There is a delicate balance between taking and receiving. Between what feels good for me, and what my partner enjoys. And that’s OK, but we must respect it. That requires the most clear and honest communication. Being explicit will further relational trust because mind reading is removed, offering a chance for real connection.
- Surrender to vulnerability - We’re already naked, physically, literally exposed. We are our most vulnerable. True intimacy means that we surrender to it, letting go of the emotional armor as well as our clothes. We state our desires, share our fantasies, express our emotions, and create safe space for each other to feel held.
- Debrief - One great way to continue the curiosity and deepen the intimacy is by being bold and debriefing after. The ‘how was it?’ cliché, is only a cliché because it’s true. It’s worthwhile taking time to kiss and tell (as well as ask and hug). This is an opportunity to see where there were misses. What was great? Was your partner distracted? If so, why? What could you or your partner have been better attuned to? When done right, this not only helps us become better lovers, it takes our communication to the next level.
Sex can be the bedrock of pleasure, but more than that, it can transform the way you communicate. It’s not called into-me-see for nothing. The more we are willing to come open, be curious and speak clearly - the more potential we have for mutual stimulation and satisfaction (of many kinds).
Every sexual encounter is unique, it’s a first every time.